


These Memories Can't Wait

by Annorledes



Category: Guiding Light
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:29:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8576755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annorledes/pseuds/Annorledes
Summary: What goes on inside one person's mind while something truly life-altering finally happens.





	

That first time. The moment she touched me I remembered every touch I'd ever felt. My parents' and my children's ways of hugging me to let me know I was something special. All the men who had put their hands on my body to convey the same thing, in a different way.  
I recalled it all as I felt her fingertips on my collarbone and it was the same, yet so infinitely different. Her fingers so much softer than any man's, so much more eager and impatient than any child's or parent's should ever be.  
We were still side by side on my hotel bed, fully clothed, facing each other, when she briefly touched my left brest, bashfully, as though she didn't already know what she was doing to me. That it was okay to tocuh me, way more than okay. My breath caught in that moment and she noticed, and if she hadn't known before, she knew then.

_That's the way you looked when you realized I was in love with you. When was that? Probably not one time but several, a realization that slowly put itself together like those demo puzzles on an old computer. A big piece came into place when it really was way too late and you found out that all the things Frank did for you he did because I told him to. Because I put the enormous burden of my love for you on his shoulders. Yes, I know you know now._

The memory clear as a photograph; the look on her face as she closed her eyes for just one second and in that second forgot all about God and preachings and self-righteous majorities. Or maybe she just discarded it all. Either way she leaned into me, the scent of her dizzying, and caught my mouth with hers.  
It threw me, in every possible way. That she had the guts to do it, without waiting for me to take the first step. The incredible sensation of her lips. Mostly that, because it was so different. So different and so beautiful. I had never contemplated the possible difference between a man's lips and a woman's, and why should I? Now I suddenly had the opportunity to compare, and I did just that while she kissed me. Her lips were softer than any man's, her heated breath against my face so much sweeter. And then I let all my thoughts go and kissed her back.  
Because I knew that my arousal and the incomparable eroticism of this moment had little to do with the fact that she was a woman. The immediate flow of blood and other liquids towards my heart and head and crotch happened because it was her, the Her that transcended all personal pronouns.  
Her kiss pierced my soul, and somehow out of sheer primal instinct I was still able to kiss her back, to take that silken bottom lip between the two of mine and claim it, then continue to claim and claim: her upper lip, her front teeth, her tongue, desperately hoping that it would help me cling to that inscrutable soul.

_The time I fully realized how magnificent your soul was I wanted to cling to it, like a toddler hanging on to it's safety blanket. It was so long ago now, probably when I had just opened my eyes in that hospital bed, that I discovered that you had saved me in every way a human being can save another. From then I needed your soul. I need your soul. I need you, to be able to be me, to be able to be a better me._

I remember that she whimpered almost inaudibly into my mouth as I tried to stake my claim and that she moved closer to me and moved her hand to my hip. Staking hers? Anyway, it was my cue, as the unstoppable man-eater, world-seducer, universe-conquerer. Why shouldn't I be a woman-eater as well? Why stop at half the population?  
I brought my brain to a grinding halt once again and simply put my left hand on that piece of flesh I had been longing for for what felt like years now. It wasn't years, months maybe, but the accumulated longing was enough to cause ache in a million people, that I was sure of. And this piece of flesh that had played such a big part in my waking dreams was so specifically female, a fact that still after all this time scared and beckoned me. I had never had the urge to touch a woman's breast, I had touched my own but that was for the sensation of a hand on my breast, not the other way around.  
Now I marvelled at the feel of it; so impossibly soft even when clad in bra and shirt. Soft; but then a distinct hardening of a nipple against my palm that shoved all insecurites away. 

_God, I'm doing that to you. And you are doing it to me. We're doing this to each other. For each other._

I kept going forward, into her mouth and she kept on pushing into me while I suddenly found her hands tugging at my t-shirt, trying to take it off of me. I let her, raised my arms to let her pull it off and get even closer to my skin.  
I'll never forget the look on her face. The look of wonder as she touched me again where I so desperately needed to be touched, which was ever single square inch of me. No man would have gotten that, but she did. She touched my arms my neck my hands my chest my stomach my breasts and my nerves caught fire and sent beatiful sensations to the very core of me.   
My inhibitions were slipping away rapidly and I did the same on her because I had to: I pulled her shirt off almost violently and tried to touch every little bit of skin of her I could reach. My hands felt cool against her skin but that wasn't what made her quiver. And then suddenly she said something.  
”Can I be naked with you?”  
Her voice was breathy and unsteady, and somewhere in my clouded brain I understood that the question was so much bigger than it seemed. I couldn't speak though, my brain functions were needed elsewhere and even the superficial meaning made me weak. So instead of talking my hands said let's be naked together as I unclasped her bra and pulled it off, and how did I manage that so easily? Her breasts were free and naked and soft and full just for me and I laid my hands on them and stroked them and I wondered again about why I never had thought of other women's breasts.

_That was not entirely true though. I had thought about yours, more than a couple of times, and you had seen my thoughts and blushed. Even when people were around. When your husband-never-to-be were around. Still you looked at me like I was the only person left with you on earth._

She reciprocated by pulling off my bra and right before she started to caress me again and short circuit my brain I had a short time to think that we were twin bodies, twin souls, mirror images, mirror mirages.  
It was beautiful but then she bent over slightly and carefully took my hardened nipple in her mouth. I couldn't stop the groan that escaped me. I was a groan of pleasure, of expectation, of frustration; because I knew what it was and I knew what was to come and while I wanted to freeze that moment and stay there forever, I wanted even more for her to do that to me everywhere, be inside me, become one with me.  
The moment didn't freeze, instead everything started spinning faster. I don't even know how our pants and residual underwear came off but suddenly we were naked in each other's arms and for a split second I saw it all from the outside: us, me and her, naked together on top of my hotel smelling sheets. A perfect image, and as real as anything. Comfortably new and strangely familiar. Unexpected and totally predictable. I don't remember if any of us groaned again as I rolled on top of her, because my head was so full of love it didn't leave any room for sounds.  
I said it then: ”I love you”, but I don't know if she heard me. And then my mind was overwhelmed by the feeling of her body pressed against mine: breasts to breasts, belly to belly, legs to legs. Her sex to mine.  
I hadn't known I could love a woman like this. Fuck, I hadn't known I could love any person like this. But now I did. And just as naturally and intuitively I started to move, rub against her and cause delicious friction. Now the groans were loud enough for me to hear it.

_Funny, you had to scream at me that you loved me for me to hear it. I was so caught up in what I thought was right and wrong and what I thought you thought was right and wrong that I didn't see what was right before me. You were there the entire time and I was full of you but I didn't see you. I hope I see you clearly now._

And I needed her even closer. So I moved so that we lay side by side again, and I took her hand and put it where the center of my aching need was and made her touch me there. The now diminished intellectual part of me knew that her fingers were inexperienced, hesitant, but still the pleasure was so intense I thought I would explode. She must have noticed, and again we mirrored each other as she in turn took my hand and placed it between her legs.  
Wet, unbelievebly wet and soft folds parted to my fingers and I started caressing her, probably just as hesitantly and cautiously as she had just done but when I looked into her face I could see that it was perfect. It was perfect, we moved and breathed in sync, became one pulsing beaming organism there on the overly large bed.

_You and I, we are in sync. We complete each other's sentences and we complete each other. Why make it hard when it's really that simple?_

Simultaneously we entered each other, and it was unlike everything else I had ever experienced. So extraordinary it was enough to make me come. Two seconds later, she leaned in even closer and whispered to me, low but crystal clear:  
”I'll come...”  
I think I may have nodded and then everything combined; her body, mind and soul against me and above me and inside me made the pleasure too unbearable and I came, and I could see and hear and feel her coming with me.  
That first time we came together the darkness lit up, our past and present and future melded and everything was just as it was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> This little thing was written way back in 2010 and posted to Incandescent Fire, a fic forum I'm not sure exists anymore. To this day, it represents fifty percent of everything I've ever written in English, fandom-wise. I remember it getting some decent feedback though, and thought that any remaining Otalia fans who missed it then might enjoy it now. Title was shamelessly stolen from a great song by the Talking Heads.


End file.
